alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
