It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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