And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
