just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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