I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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