Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
