dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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