If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
