Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
