Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
