remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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