Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
