You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
