i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
vagina is talking i cant
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
