I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
