i think my tv is drunk
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
