you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
