C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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