I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize