u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
