oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
