DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
honey bunches of taint.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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