WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize