Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
