after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
