It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I CAN MOONWALK!
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
