Dual....:-)
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
