Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
