You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
