Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
