This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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