her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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