how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize