Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
