If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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