Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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