i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
