I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
