I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My hand turned me down
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
