Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
