That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
