Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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