What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
