I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
