the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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