I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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