I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
