is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
