everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
