I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize