My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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