how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
