My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
