you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize