i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize