Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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