i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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