proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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