We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
