she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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