my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
