no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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