So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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