So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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