I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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