I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
