Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
