He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
