More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
