Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
